Musings
by catincanada
Summary: A Bot muses about the past and someone from it over energon. Warnings: character monologue, Experimental writing style and implied imbibement. Try and guess who the bot is and who they're thinking/talking about. R&R please. One shot. G1


Hey! You! With your energon cube. I heard what you said.

Always judging. Always Condemning.

You think you know him? Me? Us? The situation? You don't know Jack.

What am I talking about? You ask me that? After what you just said? About him? About me? About our pasts?

Grab a chair I'll tell you what I'm talking about all right. I'll give you a real earful. Just listen up.

So you want to know? Know about him? About us? About the past?

That my friend is a painful subject. You sure you got enough energon there? I know I'll need some more, more then this by the time I get done.

So he's evil is he? A bad seed? Irredeemable? A hopeless case? A waste space? A lost cause? You wonder what I ever saw in him?

You didn't know him before. You think he was always like this. He wasn't always like he is now you know. No really, he wasn't.

What was he like before? I'd rather not remember how he was. If I remember how he was then, then I'd have to admit to standing idly by while he changed. I'd have to admit I was helpless to stop it, helpless to even slow the changes down. It's so much easier to pretend he was always this way. If I pretend hard enough, I can forget my own duplicity in his becoming what he is now.

I was there all along. I watched him change. Perhaps I could have stopped it? Prevented it? If I'd tried and done something different would we still be here now? Would he still have become what he is?

Perhaps.

The seeds for what he is now were sown long ago, after all. Long before I even met him. The seeds for what he's become were there festering under the surface waiting to burst forth, waiting to give birth to what he has become.

Those seeds. Desire to be the best. Perfectionism. Believing that if you want something done right you have to do it yourself. Oh what they've birthed.

What is he? What has he become? Do I need to go over what he is? Do I need to recite the litany of his sins to you? Is that what you want?

It's not like everybody doesn't already know them. You could ask anyone on either side and they'd be more then happy to regale you with a list of his faults, of his sins, of his wrongs They'd gladly tell you all his faults. But they don't know what he was like before.

Maybe I should tell you what he was like before. Maybe. But I can't hardly bear to think on it. I can't hardly bear to recall it. I definitely can't bear to tell you. If I do I have to remember how I stood by and watched him change, click by click until he eventually became as he is now.

I wish I could blame it on something or other or someone. I wish I could blame it all on the war, or on someone, or even on... But no. If only it was that simple. If only there was one sole cause of this. Of Him.

I watched as he changed. Watched as everything changed. Oh sure the war was to blame for some of it. That it would change him was inevitable. If only it was the sole cause. Then I could say, it was no fault of mine, there was nothing I could have done.

I watched as virtues turned to vices, as vices became virtues to him. Watched as he rose to great heights. Watched as he accomplished things, achieved things, gained distinction. I should be proud of him, of all he achieved. But I remember how he was before. Before war took his innocence, before his virtues turned to vices, before...

And perhaps I am to blame. I let it happen. Stood by and watched him change. Perhaps by doing so I encouraged it even.

Maybe that's why when it all comes down to it I still stand by and let him be what he's become. Why I don't try and remedy it. Why I don't fix things once and for all, one way or another permanently.

Perhaps.

It's too bad you didn't know him before. You might have liked him. I know I did. Did. Does that make it past tense? Do I still like him? Or Not? Does anyone? Yes its too bad you didn't know him when. That you didn't know him before.

Yes too bad you didn't know him before. Before winner take all. Before Obstacles do not exist to be surrendered to. Before Never give up, never surrender. Before he became Him. Before he became like me.

Now finish your energon, its getting late we have things to do tomorrow.

XXX  
>end<br>XXX

disclaimer: Do not own transformers... but I do own the monologue.

Reviews Welcomed. Any guesses who is talking and who they're talking/thinking about?

XXX

verse G1. Thanks for letting me know it wasn't clear LollerpopOfEvil what verse it was in I forgot verse only shows in searching not on story description.

XXX


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